If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
