I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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