I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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