You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
