I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need moral support for this bender
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
