Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dicks are not precious.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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