his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
