i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
