Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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