i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
