Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
