Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
