dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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