dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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