meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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