We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
