we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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