i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
