How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
