He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize