i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
