my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize