imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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