I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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