the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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