All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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