I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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