Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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