I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
