ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
