I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize