there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
