I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
