Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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