I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
