I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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