so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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