She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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