im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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