I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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