Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
