im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
