So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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