Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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