why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
