She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize