Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
