nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
