he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my vag is so smooth its legendary
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He felt like a one man threesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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