you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize