Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
