If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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