so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
