I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
