I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
