Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
