see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
