wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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