Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
