I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
