I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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