What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
