I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
