whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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