You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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