Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
