Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
