He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
