he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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