Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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