upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
